Late Fall Dodgeball - Week Five: The Afterparty.

First off, apologies for the lateness of this post. Immediately following our matches on Monday I felt a little tickle in my throat, and by Tuesday I was full-on illin'. Rough week all around. Neglected all my ever-important internet duties in favor of hacking up nodules of unidentifiable substances and getting my sleep on. Finally feeling close to normal, but still working on getting my hydration levels up to where they should be. So goes the life of an athlete who pushes himself to the limit, without fail, for a solid forty minutes once a week.

But that's not why you called.

For a bunch of hungover hooligans (yours truly excluded, of course), we played some solid dodgeball on Monday night. The Boiler Room holiday party took place the night before, and the whole team was in attendance. I didn't stick around till the wee hours, but judging from the bags under the eyes of my teammates, a good number of them did. And I know what happens at the Boiler Room during the wee hours: They fill a Super Soaker with six different kinds of liquor, demand that all present open their mouths, and just start firing. Never will you see such an orgiastic mix of pleasure and pain. Of course, the real pain comes when you wake up the next afternoon wearing a pair of pants you've never seen before. Ah, good times.

But, since we're all professionals, a little thing like a throbbing headache wasn't going to stand in the way of us embarrassing some teams on the court. As usual, we started slow, but it didn't take long to get things back on track. The first team we played was one that I was not familiar with, but I was aware that they had yet to win a game this season. If they thought they were going to get their first victory at our expense, they were wrong. Dead wrong. We let 'em get a few games early, you know, to build their confidence, and then we let loose with a flurry of throws, catches, and acrobatic dodges that were so smooth they must have seemed choreographed. It all added up to a 10-3 win, a reestablished sense of confidence, and an odor of sweat mixed with whiskey.


Our next match was against the infamous "You guys are assholes!" team from last season. If there is any beef lingering as a result of that incident, it wasn't readily apparent when we both took the court. But, what was apparent when we took the court was one of their dudes (the guy I called "bro" last time) sitting on the sidelines. He was saying something to the ref, and then he got down and joined his team on the court. I didn't really pay attention to what he was saying, but the whole thing did seem a bit odd. And their team seemed to be a little shaken. Weird, but whatever. Get on the court so I can aim for your groin while acting like I'm not aiming for your groin.

Dude and I had another small discussion on the court during our match, but it was brief. He kept throwing at everyone's head, and I called him out on it. He said he wasn't doing it on purpose. I rolled my eyes and we got on with beating them. And beat them we did, without further incident. It ended up being a fairly close match, but some key plays netted us a two-game lead, and we held onto it. The girl who called us assholes didn't have much to say when I almost took off a chunk of her pelvic bone with a red-streaked missile of fury, though her grimace spoke volumes. Hit the sidelines, sister.

So, after the game, Dude apologized, I did the same, and we got to chatting. Turns out he was sitting on the bleachers before the game because he had been ejected from their previous contest for throwing two balls at the ref, and calling him a "motherfucker." I knew this cat was a hothead, but that's some sociopath shit. I can't believe the ref let him play against us. But hey, I'm not part of the dodgeball brass, so it ain't my call. Still. What a massive weirdo. If there's any justice, he'll never be allowed to play again. That's got to be a sad, sad email to see in your inbox.

Make sure to check the video for both supreme dodgeball play and the added bonus of Rob getting drilled in the head while on the sidelines. That hasn't happened in a while, and I'm glad it (and his reaction) was captured on video.

Also: big ups to our own Katrina for getting the coveted Player of the Week award! You can see that on our team page. They have asked her to "stay classy," and as much as I would like that to happen, I just don't see it.

Standings are here, and as of right now, we're in third, with two teams tied for second. I'd like to finish the season a little higher than that. Might be time to break out the lucky jockstrap.